Definitions/Terminology/Slang
Roy G. Biv: The colors in order of which lose their...well, color at depth. In order, they are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.
Had the killers remembered this, they would've known that Red Snapper would have appeared silver at depth. Moreover, had they been accompanied by a certain Divemaster, they would have limited on fish.
Cluster Boat: a.k.a. Cattle Boat, Cattle Barge. A large boat holding dozens of divers; usually seen pulling into the last square inch of the reef and dropping their load.
Professional Divemaster: One who arrives at the boat just after all the gear is loaded, but before the Krispy Kremes get cold; knows the reefs and wrecks of his or her area and is happy to show them to those who have an appreciation for those things, for an exorbitant fee; a great Divemaster will never put divers in a position where he has to show how great he truly is, otherwise he may have to exert a little effort.
Tip: Generous gratuity given to the Divemaster for his or her services over and above his exorbitant fee, whether he saved your life or not.
Knucklehead: Someone who doesn't know what the hell they're doing in any given circumstance, but thinks they do; one who either doesn't get, or refuses subtle hints to improve their skills; also one who points out every little thing you do wrong.
Job: Professional Divemaster allergen. Real divers don't let Divemaster get real jobs.
Tag Line: A line running from the stern to hang on while you pee between dives.
Bow: The pointy end of the boat that cracks you in the head during rough seas if you're not paying attention.
Stern: The part off the boat off which you pee if you're too scared to get into the water, big sissy.
Anchor Line: Umbilical cord leading from the boat to the sea floor or wreck; used to ascend and descend; a beautiful sight when your lost during a low viz dive.
Someone Else's Anchor Line: Another's umbilical cord leading from the boat to the sea floor or wreck; used to ascend.
Fifty Dollars ($50): Usual and customary charge for ascending someone else's anchor line.
Fishermen: Those who purchase lobsters.
Buddy: One you outswim when the sharks are hungry; one who's octopus you put in your mouth just before you throw up underwater; one who's regulator you put in your mouth just before you throw up while still on the boat.
Eighty Percent Rule: Insurance requirement that states only 80% of divers who leave the dock must return to the dock. Anything less could result in increased premiums.
Air: What your ex-wife paid us $50,000 to turn off underwater.
$100,000: What we'll accept to leave it on. Sorry, no personal checks accepted.
Crew: People I truly enjoy diving with; they know their stuff, and if not, their happy to ask for help. See photo.
To enter, click on the area you'd like to stay, then follow the links to the hotels, restaurants and dive shops and make your plans.
